My Return to Love
Being a solo traveler usually suggests that you will be faced with feelings of loneliness and sometimes a self-perceived lack of belonging. Though, I love the way solo travel challenges me and sculpts me into the person that I want to be in this world, there are times when I miss the feeling of being around people who truly love and understand me. After a year of soloing New Zealand and Australia, it was time that I made my return to love.
The hardest part of returning to my home country was going from the warm and breezy beaches of Eastern Australia to the frigid “feels like” -15 degrees Fahrenheit winds awaiting me outside of Boston International Airport. The bus ride concluded the 12 hour travel time that it took to get from Asheville, NC to Portsmouth, NH. I could not have been more amped to get off the bus and be reunited with my mom who I hadn’t seen in over a year and a half. The bus came to a halt at the station and I proceeded to shuffle my way down the aisle, doing my best to not trample the slow movers in front of me. I scanned the onlookers outside to see if I could spot my mom, but I was unsuccessful. Just as I stepped off of the warm bus and into the New England chill, I locked eyes with my mom at a distance and I ran to embrace her. I was overwhelmed with emotion and had no intention of holding back the tears that free flowed down my face. There were many times during my overseas adventure where all I wanted was to be with my mom and at home in a safe place with someone to say, “ I Love You.” It was finally before me. I was home, safe in my mother’s arms. Her heart warm and full of love.
Reconnecting with loving friends was also on my list of needs for my arrival home. There is nothing that can compare to a friend whom you feel a sisterly bond with and I indeed share that with a few remarkable women in this world. One of those key women is someone who I’ve shared some of my most vulnerable moments and also some of the most hilarious and memorable experiences with to date. The universe played in our favor this year (we are both solo travelers who are usually in totally different places at any given moment) and we were able to spend a Christmas together at my cozy childhood house in New Hampshire. It was one of the best Christmas celebrations I have ever experienced. Unlike past years, it was filled with harmonizing voices, banjos, harmonicas, flutes, drums and lots of laughter. Our mutual friend came to spend the holiday with us as well, which was amazing! We spent most of our 3 days together in our pajamas, playing music, singing, taking long walks in the delicate snow, engaging in hours of girl talk and cooking food that challenged old traditions.
The most significant relationship that I was able to nurture during my time at home was with my mother. It had been a year and a half since I had seen my mom and 4 years of being away from home for Christmas. After such a long time away from her for the holidays and after a year abroad, returning home to her felt so good. We’ve had our fair share of altercations in the past, but my time home this round was going to be different. As my time with my mom increased, I found that we were finally developing the healthy mother/daughter relationship that I so hoped for. We had entered into a kind of friendship and new understanding of one another filled with compassion and love. We were relating to each other in a new way and accepting each other’s personality traits that may have once been irritating or frustrating. We were working more like a team and instead of bickering over little things, we learned to not “sweat the small stuff” and lend a hand or an open ear when needed.
It has been a great feeling to return home and be filled with the love that I have so desired all those days on the road. I feel that I have replenished my love energy supply and am getting my gears moving towards the next adventure. My heart is yearning to absorb new landscapes, unfold unique challenges and make those strangers turned friends connections. It will be hard to leave this place of home, but the love-filled memories I’ve made in the past month will sustain my heart in the days to come when I’ll find myself alone, sleeping in some faraway place where I again, know no one.
Oh and how can I forget my lovable puppy, Bentley! He has brought me so much joy while I was home 🙂
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